It can be hard to identify the moment you first contemplated getting a divorce. Perhaps you were lying in bed looking at your spouse one night, and you no longer see the same person you once knew. Perhaps you were lying in bed, alone, because your spouse has not been around as much as you hoped or expected. Perhaps you or your spouse have experienced marital strife or even violence, or perhaps you two have simply grown apart since your marriage. The conclusion is the same: you’re seeing your spouse in a different light, and that is a person to whom you no longer wish to be married.
Changes in a marital dynamic can be subtle, and occur slowly. Many people don’t notice the changes in their marriage until later in life either because they have been preoccupied with careers, or children, and they simply have not had time to reflect on their union. This may have you asking yourself “What changed in my marriage that’s making me consider divorce?” There are many hidden factors that make people grow apart. Here’s why it may have happened to you:
You married too young, and you’ve simply grown apart
You may have married young. Perhaps you were high school sweethearts whose life goals have diverged since college, or working full-time. Maybe you have realized that your spouse did not mature, or remains directionless, and this has left you struggling to manage the entire household alone. Young marriage may have had a cultural or religious component to your family, or it happened often in your family. Maybe you had children and this seemed the logical next step. Or, there may not have been a reason to marry besides thinking it was the right thing to do at the time.
The decision to marry so young may make you feel you missed out on part of a life you never had. You may no longer feel committed to your marriage because you are taking stock of what you gave up in exchange for your spouse.
Your reasons for marrying are no longer valid
Perhaps you and your spouse no longer share common goals. Perhaps one of the foundations of your marriage (for example, shared religion, or desire to have children) has disappeared because you or your spouse have changed your beliefs. Perhaps you were married to promote financial security for you both, but now you are each financially independent. Perhaps your children are grown and you realize you no longer have anything in common.
Realizing you no longer want to be married is just the first step to gaining your individuality. Talking with an experienced guide can help you take the right path to stay afloat after a divorce and get you through all the legal steps in the process with a minimum of difficulty.
