For separated or divorced co-parents, the holidays bring joy and festivities, but they also bring challenges. It can be difficult to balance schedules, talk to your ex-spouse about time-sharing and presents, and spend special days away from your children. It can be especially hard having to split family traditions, such as decorating the tree together or looking at lights in your neighborhood.
The reality of only having your children part-time during the holidays can feel like a loss. In some ways, it is a loss because it is a change from holidays passed. Whether you are facing this for the first time this year, or it is simply your co-parent’s turn in an alternating rotation to have the children, don’t despair. Creating a joyful and memorable season for everyone involved can be achieved with a bit of preparation, open communication, and flexibility on both parents’ parts.
Some important tips
Navigating the holidays with a co-parent requires flexibility and cooperation. Here are some tips to help you make the best of the situation.
- Communicate openly with your ex-spouse. A healthy co-parenting relationship in which both parents feel heard is key. Maintaining open communication can help to create a more enjoyable season and reduce tensions. This can be about something as simple as sharing what gifts you purchased for your child (see below), or as complex as trying to coordinate schedules so the children can see all their parents and extended family.
- Create new traditions. You can create new customs that make your kids happy and excited, allowing them to focus on the holidays rather than changes in the family.
- Coordinate gift-giving with your co-parent. This will help you avoid duplicates and hurt feelings. Talk about who’s buying what and consider going in on a few “big” gifts if the two of you are on good terms.
- Remember that your children match your energy. If you are excited about the time you do have with their children, rather than focusing on what time you do not have, they will mirror that excitement. Setting a positive example will help your children transition into their new traditions and time-sharing routines.
When making your plans, avoid placing children in a situation where they must choose sides. It is essential to avoid making negative comments about your co-parent when the children are around. If any issues come up between you while planning for the holidays, having legal guidance can help you ensure that your co-parent adheres to the terms of your custody agreement.
